Sometimes we get a letter that demands its own page. Below is such a letter. Be forewarned, punctuation marks were doled out in a very spartan manner, making some parts open to different interpretations. The original letter was written on the back of a period grocery bag to add to its authenticity. Oh, and we DID agree to Sonny's terms! Enjoy.
I got to hury an rite this befor th express rider coms. I jus got yur newzlater an wuz mitey plezed tu here from yu. Didn kno ifn yu wuza stil kickin or not reckin yu r ore I woodnt hav got thit thar newzlatter Priddy intristin til I got tu thit parte a bout th doos Got me tu thinkin rekin ifn Ima gonna run wif this here bunch I guez I better pul my wate to Ima ackualy considern payin my doos an jinein up wif you fellers It ain't eaze tho cuz times r tuff I jus want you tu kno how Tuff I had tu roun up all th mpty beer kans I cud fine kut bak on my beer alotment and evn took a dollar six bits outn Devonas purse whil she wuz asleep Think I got enuff in th bank to cover it now. Shur hope so anyhow Im asending yu a check ifn it aint no gud let me kno an Ill sen yu another one or yu cud jist keep it til after krismas cuz I usuly git sum mony then. I bout got everbody broke of ht habet of byin me sox an undeware fur Krismas. Ifn yu cud wate thet long an I dont hav tooo big a feed bill at th Willow City Stor I cud straitin up wif yu then Im not agonna beet yu out of it Jist won thang we neede tu git strait Ifn I volunteer into this here outfet I wont it understood thet I kan volunteer out any tyme I take a notion Thems My Terms Ifn fur sum reson I kaint cum up wif th mony mayb we kin work out a trade I kno whar thers sum pridy nice white tale bucks over on th Johnson Ranch Ill even hang out a feed buket afew days ahead of tyme. Best to go over yonder at nite Mayb on a moonlite nyte. Jist won mor thang so we might aswell git thet strait rite up front I don't mind pullin my wate on them doos jist as long as they dont git to wain to much. Devona is a agravatin me to say sumin about hur in this here lettar sos I guez to keep frum ketchin whutfur Ill menshun hur She sayid to say Hello so there I gone an dun it. I tol her thet was enuff foolishniss in a seryous lettar. Hope shell shush up an leve me alone now. Well I guez I beter kut it short Im runnin out o paper an they done kut me off of them give away pens down at th bank Sayid I had mor then they did I kno thet aint so Jist damn tit wad bankers Getin sos you kaint do no buzinez wif nobody ceptin folks of yore own kine
Wul I got a lote of uther newz but itz a hell of alot eazier talkin bout it then writin bout it. Shur glad I got as goode a edukayshun az I do so I kud rite this here lettar. Course folks usually hav a way of findin you when they wont mony.
Ifn you dont hav my addrez jist rite me an Ill send it Wul I better go now itz agettin dark an I need to git out on th back porch an make shur them houns hadnt takin over my sleepin pallet. Watch yore top not an keep yore powder dry podnuh!
Yurs verily respictfuly